The NFL’s wild new partnership with Disney for the “Year of the Super Bowl” just dropped its biggest bombshell: the Green Bay Packers officially “drafted” Chewbacca, the towering Wookiee co-pilot of the Millennium Falcon. This isn’t just about merchandising, even though the press release says it is. Oh no, this is about Chewy hitting the “gridiron” (or rather, the intergalactic battleground) against the league’s new set of Disney-owned icons.
Green Bay’s New Wookiee Weapon
This furry beast, originally from the planet Kashyyyk, was picked by Green Bay for a specific reason: he’s “loyal to the cause in the cold, snow, sleet and rain,” ready for battle whether it’s “Hoth or Lambeau.” And let’s be real, his stats are no joke. We’re talking 7’6″ of pure Wookiee muscle, with increased stamina, durability, and a brain to match because he’s highly intelligent. Plus, he’s considered an expert marksman with his bowcaster, that laser crossbow that’s probably seen more action than most NFL defensive lines.
Chewy’s First Three Battles on the Schedule
Chewbacca’s debut schedule is a rollercoaster, to say the least.
First up in **Week 1** for the Packers, Chewy heads **@ Minnesota Vikings** to face **Thor** in Asgard. What a brutal opener! The God of Thunder, in his home turf? Chewy’s going to be in for it. Even without Mjölnir, his hammer, Thor is just too much. That’s a definite L, starting the season 0-1.
Then in **Week 2**, Chewy takes on **Buzz Lightyear** for the **@ New York Jets** game, set in Andy’s Room. Okay, now this is a different story. Chewy’s absolutely stomping this toy in a mere 3.5 seconds. Buzz “falling with style” isn’t flying, and Chewy’s just swatting him away like King Kong crushing a mosquito. Forget hiding under Andy’s bed, Chewy’s tossing that whole thing out the window and squashing the plastic spaceman like a bug. That’s a W, leveling the record to 1-1.
But **Week 3** for the **vs. Atlanta Falcons** brings the weirdest opponent: the **Millennium Falcon** itself, on Chewy’s home planet of Kashyyyk. This is where it gets bizarre. The source implies the ship is somehow sentient, which means Chewy’s up against his old ride! His laser crossbow isn’t going to cut it against the ship’s guns. The Millennium Falcon has taken a beating over the years, sure, but it’s clearly tough enough to handle a fight with a single Wookiee. If Chewy can’t manage to somehow get inside of it, this is another L, making him 1-2.
What a wild start to Chewbacca’s fantasy season! He’s proven he can dominate the weak, but struggles against the truly powerful, or, you know, his own sentient spaceship. We’ll have to see if Chewy can turn things around in the coming weeks and start building some momentum.
This article was created with AI assistance and published under Seattle On Tap’s editorial standards. See our Editorial Policy.
Originally reported by Acme Packing Company.
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